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September 17, 2019

Let That Sh*t Go! Here’s How to Perform a Burning Ritual to Heal Unresolved Conflicts

Not too long ago, a trusted friend and someone I did business with burned our relationship for short-term gain. 

This person had their own motivations for crossing legal and ethical lines. I’m steadfast about doing the right things, for the right reasons, with the right people. I decided to sever ties immediately and though I left a lot of money on the table, I knew that this was the best path for me internally.

The pain and anger sat unresolved within me for quite some time. Every time I saw their company logo, brand color, associates, social media, you name it, I was triggered, pissed, and hurt all over again. 

It was then that I discovered an ancient method to resolve conflicts: a burning ritual.

You might be bogged down by your past in some way, whether it be from traumatic experiences, painful relationships, or situations out of your control. The thing is, all unresolved conflicts are energy leaks, and when you have big goals to accomplish, you need to preserve and use energy wisely. You cannot afford to be burned out or make the excuse that there isn’t enough time when in reality, you just don’t have the energy. 

Resolution only exists within yourself, but it’s a challenging endeavor without a strategy to process the emotions. Since I’ve been there myself, I want to share my tried-and-true, five-step approach to finally resolving the pain of the past so you can accept, move forward, and feel energized 24/7. 

Related: How to Legit Control Your Thoughts 

Step 1: Pick a Conflict

Identify a small conflict you want to resolve. Starting small is essential to build momentum and help you move to more significant issues. In behavioral economics, this is known as the “snowball effect” which says to start with small things, like paying down $100 of debt first before you tackle bigger things like $10,000. Whereas if you start in reverse, paying down $10,000 would take forever, and you might burn out.

Step 2: Write a Letter of Fury

Grab a pen and paper and start writing down whatever is making you pissed. Get your frustration out for 15 minutes. Say it all. Unadulterated, uninhibited. Cuss, chew people out. Bring the fury. Say how you feel and how you were wronged. Writing down the experience transfers negative energy from your subconscious, through your conscious mind, down your arm, through the pen, and onto the paper. Moving the energy is a release, so you stop being triggered at things that remind you of the issue. 

Step 3: Light It Up 

Now that the paper holds all your negative thoughts, start a fire and burn it. Hell, even spit into the fire if you want to. You don’t want it to exist anymore, so you have to get it out of this universe. Whatever you do, don’t keep your letters of fury sitting around. 

I personally have a little note pad at my desk, and when I know I’m triggered — boom, I write it down. When I’m ready to burn those suckers, I stuff them into my barbeque chimney, douse it in lighter fluid, drop a match, and watch it go up in flames.

Step 4: Rinse and Repeat 

After the letters are burned, only part of the problem is cured. You have to keep going until you get it all out. So if you cured 5%, then you have 19 more rounds to go. What you write during round two doesn’t have to be the same thing. In fact, you’ll be surprised to see the tangents you can go on once you open up the floodgates. Block off 15 minutes every week to sit and purge that conflict.

Step 5: Observe Your Progress 

Keep writing until you notice a change in your tone. After going off on someone for a while, you’ll see that your voice and attitude towards the conflict will eventually change. When you observe the shift, that’s when you’re healing. Your empathy will begin to increase, and you come to a point where you achieve acceptance. That’s when you know the conflict is resolved.

Related: High Vibes 101: A Practical Guide for Emerging Leaders

Accept and Move On

The beauty of this method is that you don’t need to forgive or forget. All you have to do is accept. Forgetting is impossible, and genuine forgiveness takes lots of time. But acceptance says, “I accept the situation and no longer get triggered.”

Ultimately, resolving conflicts is not to forgive or forget — it’s to accept and move on.

Show Me Your Fury Fires

I want to see pictures of your fury fires! Send me a picture or video of you lighting up your letters and let me know how it feels to do a brain dump of all your negative energy. Here’s to letting that shit go once and for all.

Post a comment


  1. Melissa Keller

    I did a simple burning ritual and asked my husband to add some sage leaves to it. But the fire went out of control. The fire got enormous and the flames almost reached the ceiling. I have done many times a burning ritual and never had seen this. Could you advise me on this?

  2. Shirley Barnes

    I don’t think I can forgive her for feeding him her cycle and trying to take what I’ve built for 30 years I wan the worse for this person.after a few months she had him to doing proposal to her and that shit hurts just imagine all my friends that knows us saw what she put on Facebook just to be spiteful

  3. Joan shade of sun

    On the harvest moon in October I have a smudging and heart clearing. Big bonfire. Positions n, s, e, w. Friends write down their issues or things they want to change and offer it to Mother Earth spirit and throw in fire with an offering. This is our New Years resolution. I burn sage and perform a cleansing smudge.

  4. Relieved

    The other day I found some old documents in my late father’s briefcase. These were from some unnjust court case ages ago, and I remembered how it bugged him for years because a “friend” sued him for something he didn’t do. However, I kind of felt like he’s telling me to burn them, so I did. I really feel relieved after that.

  5. Beth

    Thank you, I realize what I’ve done wrong in the past. The rinse & repeat. Yes I felt slightly better, but I wasn’t done. I also can’t stand the having to forgive part in order to get to acceptance. I’m not there with my some of my deepest trauma & may never get there. So many rituals include the belief in a God or that things happen for a reason. Works for some people, not for me. That stuff adds to my rage. LOL This sounds doable & helpful. Peace & gratitude to you. 💜✨

  6. Rachelle G

    Thank you so much for this! As I was watching the fire and burning each page intently, I felt tingly and even physically lighter. My shoulders were not up at my ears and I felt like I took my power back! Sending Peace and Love to you <3

  7. Maria

    I’m going to try it today it’s not business it’s family problems I have to solve it causing me to not sleep and anxiety someone had told me this but it was in someway different instead of fire through it in the river. Don’t know if it has the same affect never did it

  8. Vidya

    I read ur article after I had done a fire ritual myself that came as a guidance from within. I had a photo of someone who had doing harm to me for 5 years now and first I prayed a lot. Tried Candle rituals to release and return spells. That guided me to actually understand how Deep she was working to destroy me and I sought help of a Peer and did some rituals but insisted not to harm anyone but to protect me and my lover from negative people and jelousy etc. That was fruitful and the peer gave me something to burn morning and evening. That is cleansing my aura and I see the difference. But she is not giving up or accepting that her attempts are failing over me and she sought help from someone who does Woodoo.. But it is failing and I felt my energies needs to be preserved and I had her photos. I spit on it and lit fire and flushed it. I wrote behind one of the photos on behalf of my lover I flush her forever from our lives. I felt better after that.

  9. anand

    Thanks for all your tips. I have been writing the persons name and burning the piece of paper. I have done that about 4 or 5 times and will be doing more. I felt really better but the thought come back after a few days. I need to do more.

  10. Ida cesnik

    I just burnt all photos of my sister , her daughter and people that have hurt me in life . May they all burn in hell . My sister did so wrong by my mum and dad . Pretty much stealing everything and emptying out my dads bank account after they both passed away … she can burn in hell … I have no more memories of that toxic sister and her daughter and friends that have betrade me

  11. Peter

    I came to your web site because I was specifically searching how to bonfite negativity. The antecdotal story and the instructions are great. Well, that‘s 5 per cent. Thanks. mate

  12. Jacqueline Thomson

    To this day I have no idea why you all put me down,
    An almost daily occurrence, as if I were the clown.
    Nothing was ever good enough, physical violence my brother and mother inflicted,
    A nod to the future your behaviours predicted.

    Why was I the continual victim of your wrath?
    I am still unsure, was it my success or my statewide prizes in math?
    Mother you slapped me to the ground when I was only fourteen,
    My own brother strangled me to the point of unconsciousness, a sight supposedly never heard nor seen.

    But you were right there mother, your vitriol on full display,
    As supposedly I was to blame? Kicked out of the family home that day.
    I cannot comprehend why you always hated me so,
    I could feel the rejection from early on, not at all hidden but always on show.

    Then when I married the love of my life,
    He took me and cherished me as his wife.
    From this moment on your animosity escalated.
    Not just me but also Andrew that you hated.

    Assuming Andrew had so much money led to my dismay,
    Merely an acceptance of our relationship, my choices, for this I prayed.
    Instead all you did was ask for and cheat us out of cash.
    How could you be so heartless, so crass?

    Not one offer of a meal over 20 years,
    Food is a way to show love, not a reason to bring a daughter to tears.
    From day one you could not accept him,
    And this is reflective of your attitude, so negative, so grim.

    This sounds all about me, but surely it is not,
    All the visits, the meals I cooked for you, the concern for your welfare you simply forgot?
    The man I love was ostracised because you were intimidated,
    He had only love and acceptance in his heart, instead he was the one to expose your hatred.

    Your own jealousy and greed,
    Has ensured my relationship with you would never succeed.
    My own family, supposedly my blood,
    Your refusal to accept that I was unconditionally loved.

    It was only then that I realised the intensity of your antipathy toward me,
    Never wanting the best, never desiring me to succeed.
    I now feel courageous, empowered.
    I have rid you from my life, it is your own toxicity that has led to our relationship being devoured.

    I no longer want any of you in my life,
    How could you find it within yourself to cause so much pain and create so much strife?
    You have not won, only been forgotten,
    For some people’s hearts are black and to the core, rotten.

    So, begone from my life, never contact me again,
    For the rest of eternity I will not even whisper your names.
    For nothing good may come from avarice and malice,
    For in your collective hearts lies the poisoned chalice.

    Thankyou for your advice. Burning this one today. It would be nice to say some words out loud at the same time.

  13. Bridget Rei

    I was hurt multiple times emptionally and purposefully by ayoung lady that i tried to take under my wing and she made multiple times to put a wedge beywrrn mu bf &I. She no longer needs or is allowed to affect me tge way she did. I sm about to write s letter(possibly a few)to burn on the new moon, im hoping it has the effect it did w Some others.

  14. I’ve seen several burning ceremonies performed – in prisons, by prisoners. Pretty moving ceremonies. They were each in the context of the forgiveness of Jesus Christ.
    Jesus said “Come to me, you who are tired and weary, and I will give you rest.” Jesus is the only way out of pain. “Been there, done that” for all the other ways people try. I was there myself. All the self-help books. All the seminars. All the escapes. Then I turned to Him. And that changed my life.

  15. Amber

    I feel amazing and free I got a lot out I did it 3 times because my letters didn’t always burn fully without restarting the fire.

  16. Asis Sidhu

    Great article. I shall practise it now. Write names and reasons and burn them! Also, a silent prayer for them to rest in peace!

  17. Levanah D

    Thankyou so much for this!
    Can’t wait to release this negative crap and move on! 💚
    Love and light Y’all 🤘

  18. Levanah D

    Wow, such a beautiful and profound poem!! I can really feel your pain and anger and sadness in your words so beautifully expressed.
    I honestly hope you’re feeling better now? I know that won’t be an easy process but keep going! Never forget you’re amazing! 🤘

  19. Carwyn

    I’m sitting here laughing now and for the last 15 minutes my hand was getting sore from the stuff i was writing about my fuckwit agressive, nailbomb trigger motherfucking brother who i love to death lol – AND now i swear im giggling at the image of my mind of setting fire to the paper in my garden screaming “BURN AND DIE MOTHERFUCKER” in the most forgiving and affectionate way imaginable lol. Wow. And now i genuinbely feel like ie definitely started something positive and i cant wait to work on it and get it out of my system permanently. And now time for coffee and a croissant hahahaha Much Love xxxx